escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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