I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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