Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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