i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
