Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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