she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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