my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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