So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
someone threw a dead crab at me
I met the friendliest cop last night
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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