Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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