Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
