if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
