too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
