Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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