I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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