I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
