Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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