Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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