what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
