Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
