There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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