a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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