Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
