It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
