I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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