OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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