So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
only if we run a train.
done.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
