You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
