I looked at my own cervix.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
