Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
