I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
