the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
