I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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