yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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