Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
