And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
