: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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