Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
