when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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