We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
