I've blown a few things in my day
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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