well I can't set my house on fire every night
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
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