shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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