I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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