i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
