All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
