Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
