I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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