piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
