She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
