you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
